It’s impossible to avoid changing my perspective on the characters as the canon unfolds; that’s why I bitch and moan about the writing of my story dragging on so long! I incorporate as much as I can without losing ABoT's internal consistency, but it's very frustrating. I want to play with the new 'toys' and I'm stuck with something I set up during season 1 using the 'toys' available at the time! The stuff with Rumple's childhood hasn't thrown me too much; I'd vaguely envisioned him being abandoned by his mother rather than his father, and at a younger age, and with a separation far less brutal than the one we recently got from the show. That's added important layers to Rumple's obsession with getting back to Baelfire, his need for redemption for abandoning his own child, and to his fear of abandonment/betrayal. I work them in when I can, and work around them when it would cause problems for ABoT.
In many ways the murder of Milah was more of a problem for me than the recent Rumple-childhood stuff, or the Cora business. I’ve written a Rumple who - more as a quirk than a virtue - has the deepest respect, even reverence, for the role of ‘wife’, and for Belle because she becomes his wife. He’s set himself rules of conduct as her husband and he sticks to them. It doesn’t fit well with the murder of his first wife, unless you suppose that he’s so strict with himself because he’s afraid of harming Belle in a fit of rage.
I’m still trying to get my head around Pan as a father - I’ve only been able to watch most of the episodes once. I really need to sit down and rewatch them again with the benefit of hindsight. My own longstanding dislike of the original Peter Pan/Neverland has definitely coloured my viewing of Once Upon a Time's take on it. I'll make a post about the family developments as soon as I have my thinking up to speed :)